i DECIDED it was time to become friends with my enemy, yet it lasted one day not even maybe a couple of hours. It scared me to know I was going into the same school just this time I had no friends. Why you ask, even I cannot answer that it seemed my whole world was crashing down once again. However, this time it was a new me who was stronger more rational and less depressed than before. I was determined not to let it destroy me. Nevertheless, it was going to be hard. Through this all I almost lost my boyfriend several times, I never understood why I let it affect me in such a big way I still don’t but how can’t I stop it from hurting me that’s the most difficult part. I have discovered ways that help me like writing, running, drawing or even just scream helps me.
A lot has happened its 2017 new friends new me yet now I hear my soul mate the love of life and my ex soul sister kissed, I mean what the hell. I thought it would all is over but nope Satan walked into my life once again and tried to drown the boat yet he only made a dent and its slowly sinking. Why? I really do not know. I mean my relationship did have a rocky path with us both being unloyal but we still teens yet I love him and it broke my heart.
But we still remain together even though it concerns me…BIG TIME!!! I love him and he I think loves me so yeah. That’s really, what matters to me. SO now, I’m hiding my relationship with my peers just for peace and quiet yet through it all, a friend shines through who I hated for so long. People are forcing me to message new guys but how do I say I don’t want to I’m still with him. We have been through so much yet somehow we remain together this is what love for me really is. Do I deserve this probably not is a destiny who knows all I know is I love him.
Is it all worth my worries or is there a more simplified reason for the distortion. Is this how god is showing me he is not like my dad or is it the work of Satan. I will never know until I am older I guess the future really is a surprise to me, to you and to us.im not sure what the proper protocol for butterflies or having your own opinion is. I really do not.
At school, you are moaned for physical expression done to yourself where even speaking your opinion thus it being polite is taken as cheek. Do they realise they are all taking away our expression and are becoming biased and now are becoming a discriminated school. I was in a top school and they were top 15! Where this school is nowhere there, a higher amount of students fail then pass, this school is so old school that they are not willing to change their ways for a better school. If they think for one second how does we better ourselves it’s in discipline, conduct in which we hold ourselves, the impression of how we think for the parents of the school. This is what can make a school better.
Therefore, into this year, I went happy and positive but… the fights with my ex best friend kept getting worse and no matter what I did, she did not stop. I cried so many times over this. I had to let friends go to keep myself safe does this mean my boyfriend too. Does she not realise what she is doing or is it entirely what she wants, I do not understand it. I forgave her and I apologised numerous times to get the same response repeatedly. Is there any ending to this dark hole or will I remain stuck until I grow old. Some people say it is me others say it is her. I do not understand which one it is or maybe it is we both. I pray for strength and guidance over this devastating turn. I do not know if imp strong enough or equally loving to remain born. There is a saying I learnt from my gran if the hater is going to hate u do I good job at it if a lover is going to love u do a better job.
I tried many things to remain strong but it gained me emotional weakness do u act strong then or do you cower away. I look to the lord for help were those sermons I got for now?
I know now I understand why I went through so much heartache I understand now! The divorce my dad having affairs it all makes sense now. I am not going to say with the person I am with who I think is my love of my life. I discovered why I was put through so much with this guy, we not meant forever I’m only in his life until he comes through in his time of heartache, then once my job is done I have to prepare myself to end it. That is what my purpose is at this day and age not to have fun or anything but to help people through things that seem impossible to break through. I am the one who can help them, I was not meant to stay with him or actually see him in April. By April, we will probably separate and it is going to be hard on both our sides but that this is what I am meant to be doing. I am going to be the backbone when people cannot stand by themselves that is what I need to do. I need to show people the love of god through my actions. I always questioned why I stand on this earth today and now I know. It has become so clear.
Through the fights and the brokenness, my love and helpfulness will be what shines through. I yet do not understand it fully and I could be wrong about this entire but through my life I see change I see a new me every day we are all constantly changing and evolving. A lot of the time, we have to break and shatter before finding ourselves and I guess I am getting there. I am going to be OK! This is my life and I’m going to take it and shoot towards the stars I’m going to be me and help who I can this is my life and I’m going to take it with both hands and squeeze out every opportunity. I am the T.U.F.F I was looking for I am the person to Take Your Future Further